If that was your dad, he is hot
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
