i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
