I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
