We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
