Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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