i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
