do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
They took my balls.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
