You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
