forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
