Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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