rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
