I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
