remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
