did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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