3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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