Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
God, I missed his penis.
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