If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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