I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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