yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
