I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
