I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I think people are normalizing furries
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
