U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
