so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
