Please, let me fuck your mom
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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