Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Bring me that man meat
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
