Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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