Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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