this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
