He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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