Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
