**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
