just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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