Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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