so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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