My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
