Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
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i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
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When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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