my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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