D3 body, D1 cock
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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