I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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