I'm laying in your front yard are you home
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
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My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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