Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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