My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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