Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
