JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
