dude i'm inner monologue high
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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