TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
