my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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