last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
