Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
