he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
