My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
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I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
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I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize