so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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