forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
