He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
are you so shy because you have an std?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
