he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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