You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
