ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
