I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
