weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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