dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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