he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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