I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
