I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
