Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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