you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
